ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
