We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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