I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
