Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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