Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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