im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
