I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
