im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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