I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
