If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
