A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
