She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
