woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
