I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
