she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
