I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
