omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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