We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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