i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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