Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
