Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
