I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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