I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
