I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
