Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
