a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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