My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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