he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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