ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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