My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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