toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
