so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
