Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
