That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
is it fun? or sober?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
