K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
