Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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