I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
