There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
