Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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