I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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