I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
