So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
