Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
