This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
