I will die if light touches me.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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