I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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