He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
