You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
