I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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