I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
