I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
