She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
