sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
