That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
