Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
