This girl is more easily done than said...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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